The Framed Picture

Stopped Posting

2007-10-27T06:52:00.000-04:00

I've stopped posting to this blog. look for me at Chimeran Fusion. www.chimeranfusion.blogspot.com

Happy ness

2006-05-15T20:55:00.000-04:00

If you could make one person truly happy for just one moment who would it be and why?

5 o'clock somewhere

2006-04-26T17:56:00.000-04:00

So here is where I toast all the good thing I've ever said but could never remember to write. So everyone who reads this and knows that I sometimes say brilliant things raise your glass! Toast to the words of wisdom all over the world because if there were no advice or wit we would be very bored and make many mistakes...

- Later

Not a skip

2006-04-18T10:23:00.000-04:00

So as for a less exciting post than the others I will write from the Adam Scott library. This is the second period of the 18th day of April and I have a canceled class. It's such a shame that the cancledness of the class couldn't hold off for one more day. If it were as mentioned I could've gone out for lunch with my sister. I think I'll give her a call but I believe she's on lockdown, a shame. The other half to the previously mentioned female portion lest for the west coast today. She's off to go plant some trees. Little does she know that I have a summer job that requires me to pull them out of the ground. For this weekend I'll be pulling away logs and such at a friends cottage. I hope I have no assignments due for the Monday.
Speaking of which today is Tuesday isn't it? Today I get to go to track and throw around weights till my shoulder feels lie it will fall off. It's always a good time. As par usual I fell the need to waste time doing nothing and writing on my blog. Perhaps I'll get Jess to edit my story. But before I leave I have another story for you. It came upon me yesterday...

Yesterday I left the house after coming home from track practice. Much to my own bafflement I left without eating. I was mad. This particular day I had been throwing like a two year old with no technique and the coaches definitely noticed it. For the life of me I just couldn't get it right. When I came home I decided to vent my frustration on the two wheeled aluminum framed bicycle of mine. I was already tired but I didn't want to be grumpy around the rest of my family. I left for a park that's about 7km down the road. Lots of hills to go up on the way. I got there without too much trouble and I had started back about a seventh of the way home I had a sugar dive. This particular phenomena doesn't happen to me often but with 6km to bike and no energy to do it with my frustration intensified at my increasingly daunting task. As the bike progressed I found myself panting and on the verge of collapse. I strengthened my will and decided to knock on the door of a nearby house. A cup of juice would do my just fine till I got home. Even to put sugar in my water and shake it would be satisfactory. As it turns out I met a caring old couple who gave me dates and a cup of tropicana. Feeling monumentally better I set home with a renewed vigor and arrived about 40 minutes later. It was bordering 9 o'clock when I began to feel better. I thought long about the couple that could spare some dates to a fellow who just had the courage and the need to ask. Funny world we live in.

-Andy

Frame Work

2006-03-23T10:28:00.000-05:00

The night howls and the dark wind’s prying hands snatch like thieves at the scarce heat your dress coat and tails will keep from its prying hands. A cold night; unusually cold for this time of year. Summer is over and the leaves turning red then grey: from blood to cold death like the sun not to be resurrected. I run over my itinerary and all the possibilities, walking through the ballroom doors. I take check of all my materials. I have all the things I’ll need for the night’s gruesome events. “I’ve done this before,” I tell myself.
I can hear the mass of people crowded into the large hall. The music of the band almost drowns the indolent chatter of the guests and the warmth adds a sense of security, something I’m not used to. I see the colors, effervescent in the room of spinning couples and dizzy dance hosts. I’m alone and I make my way to the bar, I order my usual Silent Sam with the lime twist. The barman, fat and red as the swirling dresses on the floor chews on his cigar and passes me my only vice. A sip and a shiver later I’m making my way to the door to the rear compound. The doorman takes me in warily, “You all right young man?”
“I’m fine thank you,” a common reply for my profession but. My life: a lie. For once I wish I had the mentality I only thought I had when I came into this job. I was fresh out when given my first assignments a few months ago and quickly came to like my profession, not on my own will. The warmth, the rush and the play are all part of it. It’s almost like it’s acted out in stills from here to there. I smile to myself thinking how wrong I was to start something I didn’t have the attitude to finish.
I’m staying sharp and I tell myself to stop this second guessing. That kind of thing can get you killed, quick. I edge to one of the corner balconies over the compound, below the city: an anthill of lights and busy workers. They won’t notice one more. Bust a blur of others on the news and families walking in black down the city streets with those wonderful tear streaming from their faces. Tears streaming from their faces, their hearts, and streaming right into my wallet. The police will lie, I’ll lie and they will lie for me. Somehow I’ll come out of it with a clean record and my family will live for another few months till they find someone else to meet me at dances.
“This place never sleeps, always a dizzy smear,” I shake my head. I’m not cut out for this tonight, not any night but I have a job to do and as my subject comes into view the blood pound in my ears as it must be pounding in her heart. She turns and quivers with an intent I can’t place. I walk, my walk seems like a dredge but must be a medium pace stride. Confidence is all I need right now, confidence and bravery.
I recall these feelings from the past, not yesterday in a veil of clouds I watched her enter a coffee shop. I followed and sat facing her on the other side of the room. It was odd that we were the only ones there besides a few slow individuals receiving the pain relievers for their constant thrumming pulse. By the by she would notice me, look and blush from memory of our other silent meetings. She must’ve known why I ‘accidentally’ found her wherever she went, though it didn’t show. For weeks it’s been a constant sight of her and she notices but doesn’t mind. Infatuation perhaps? Better that way, as long as the feeling isn’t mutual. I can’t be sure. I’m there before I’m ready and feel a tinge of regret.
“Care for a dance?” I ask with the sweetest voice I can muster. She accepts and the still audible music from the ballroom fifty feet away is perfect for a waltz on the balcony. The air is cold and the mood secluded. I begin to sweat at the sight of her dark turquoise dress and her bright blue eyes; so full of vitality. I grimace and what’s going to happen to this girl, not yet twenty and me not over twenty five. I tell her everything is alright when she asks about my missed pace in our vibrant step. She looks left and the music drops. She looks at me and I hold her closer. We share a smooth, silent and passionate kiss. I tell her I love her and she leans closer to guard what she doesn’t know is coming.
The gunshot sounds, like the breath of a newborn, with a silence that would now hush a freight train. The shot though, to me, was an explosion to my heart. I hold her close in my arms and tell her that she is beautiful and that nothing will harm her. I tell her I love her and she goes cold with each passing moment. I let her go in my arms and she tells me she feels safe there more than anywhere else. Her eyes close as her eyes close and my heart stop in unison. I see her fade away as I crowd her unused body onto near the edge of the balcony. I drape my jacket over her and tell her everything will be alright, I tell her she won’t be alone for long as I turn on my heel and exit the balcony; so much for the one-sided relationship.
The ball rages on, spinning into the night, as I walk out the front door. The doorman waves me goodnight and I thank him as I did the first time. Nothing out of the norm, I have a little indigestion I tell him. It’s not entirely a lie. I feel sick to my guts. My car revs quietly and I pull out the block and out of a horrid reality. I keep to the speed limit as not to be noticed and listen to some soft piano music to calm my nerves. My thoughts wander and I make connections more clearly. A note will be waiting for me in the mail tomorrow. The piano music switches to moderato and I see how the movements in music are like my profession, smooth then suddenly violent with acute precision and perfect timing, an instinctive meld of passion.
I come to my high-rise apartment on the fourteenth floor; they don’t have a ‘thirteenth’ floor on my building. I suppose someone got superstitious and wanted it renamed. It’s still the thirteenth floor but now is more dangerous for being a wolf in sheep’s clothing for those who believe, like me. I take the elevator and light up cigarette on the way up, losing my tie as my accent proceeds. My lifestyle can only be afforded by the wishes of others and my commitment to what family I have left. Every time I don’t do as they ask they’ll take one of them away from me, like cutting the tips of my fingers off. I peer out at my left hand through squinting eyes and see the top of my ring finger missing. “I remember that night better than I’ll remember this one,” I hear myself saying. The door slides open and I take a step out, look left and recall her face as she returned from looking in that same direction. My heart aches at the bitter reality of her freezing body, pale on that balcony. I come up on the oak doors of living place. It’s simple, a bed a kitchen and a hook for my rosary at the door. I dare not leave home without it. I slip out of my clothes and try to keep down a decent meal. I climb under the heavy and cold covers of my single and close my eyes.
What feels like seconds but must’ve been hours later my phone rings on my night table and I answer with my last name as I was taught to do. An edgy voice tells me an address for a pickup and I pull on a pair of cords, socks and a dark blue shirt. I strap my Desert Eagle .50 to my under arm holster. The cops or whoever might be waiting for me won’t see it there.
A half our later I arrive under the Main Street bridge and wait. I feel an edge creep into my mind and the shutters of my mind flash open. The hairs on the back of my neck prickle and my hand moves on it’s own to my side. I slowly fade back into the shadows of the night and wait in that secluded area. I feel someone’s prying eyes closing in on me and it makes me sweat to think from where. I didn’t see it when I came out of my car but this place has many rooftops and abandoned windows to make a clear shot from. It sickens me to think I might face the fate of the girl earlier this night. To think that one of the rounds from a long range, high power rifle could have my name on it. I sit and I wait in the darkness.
For years it seems I wait, I keep thinking I’m hearing brushing behind me or to my side. A snap of a twig here and the zip of nylon pants there. Finally I hear the far too familiar sound of a pin sliding back into position. The sound is to my right and a little ahead. I don’t need to see who I’m about to fill in but they just made the worst mistake of their life. In an instant my gun is out and firing upon an unsuspecting person in the shadows. I hear screaming and the sound of bullets shattering though bones.
It’s all over and the poor bastard in the shadows never saw it coming. I pace over and see a middle aged man with 9mm poised but with two of my shots in his stomach and one in his knee. He can’t move and will die of blood loss in under an hour. Rotten shame that I take away his gun, step on his throat and shoot off his ears and then his fingers. Pulling away I take into account that I now have one more day to provide for my dying mother and sister. They’ll never know death the way I see it.
I head home and a thought strikes me like the gunshot I can feel coming from the barrel of Tec 9 on the back of my neck. It’s a shaky voice and it must be a rookie but he tells me to drive home and stay under the speed limit.
I unlock my apartment door and he closes it just as silently as he’s sliding his gun between my shoulder blades. He asks me who I love and then beats the truth out of me. He tells me I have nothing to worry about and that everything has been taken care of. A bitter thought strikes me when I realize what this means, it means I have no family, it means I killed an innocent girl for nothing tonight and it means I have nothing to live for. He tells me he’s taken care of everything. My shoulders start to twitch at these new thoughts and his silencer on my back doesn’t help. I hear a hammer click back and feel his finger squeeze the trigger. He tells me I have nothing to worry about and that everything will be alright.
Like being struck with a cold steel bar it hits me: those good times, those bad times. They’re all so sweeter now; the times with my father, my sister and mother. Before they found out their problems and before my father was gunned down in-front of me. Those days and nights that meant everything to me and that I would kill anyone to keep. Shame, the contract that would save them wasn’t meant to be, it was their only hope.
He shows me my spattered chest on the bed in front of me. Scattered like those hopes. Scattered like my family and scattered like my dream of happiness, never to come. I close my eyes.

SHort Story

2006-03-09T22:26:00.000-05:00

I'll be comeing out with a short story soon, just you wait.

Heartless

2006-02-20T12:16:00.000-05:00

What do I care for your pain and suffering? Pain even agony is just information before the sences. Learn to control the input, and you shall become the master of the output.

-Andy

Over Thinking

2006-02-16T20:15:00.000-05:00

I met a girl once and since have seen her twice or so. Maybe, three. I was fond of her the moment I met her. I haven't stopped being fond of her yet. Fond but not in love. I'm charmed by her sweet smile and her sparkling eyes. I remember her laughter being almost like bells and I can't wait to see her again. She's so nice.

Valentine

2006-02-14T16:32:00.000-05:00

You know waht really grindes my gears? People who really don;t like valentines day and make it known that they don't. Personally I'm short one girl firends so I have no reason to be joyous about it, but i have no reason not to see how tickled everyone else is eather. One of my other single friends just said, "I didn't have a date so I made everyone my date." This is a very good way to look at it. So my little message is to enjoy the day, just like any other day.

Century

2006-02-02T22:34:00.000-05:00

This is the post that Marks 100. Hundred is a big number. Peoeple hardly live to be 100. It's a life goal to live that long.

Jelly Fish

2006-01-28T22:28:00.000-05:00

You touch it, it quivers, and you abandon your intent. . .

Now, does a jelly fish know it's a fish? Is it self aware? To be self aware, to science, is to be knowing the consequence of an action you make. To me, it is to see the need for improvement in ones self, to see imperfection is to be self aware. To be aware that you exist. It is a major breakthrough in psychological process to cross this boundary. To exceed this, is to be beyond ones self. Now, if one is beyond itself does it know of itself? And if not is it really self aware? The answer is that to be at an end is to really be at the beginning. But knowing this, has the new beginning gained you any ground?

I should join a psychology class

Bleak House

2006-01-28T18:57:00.000-05:00

"White Hot Iron,
Cold Black Iron,
Iron Taiste,
Iron Smell,
Hard Clanging Iron Sound."

-Charles Dickens

7 in 2

2006-01-14T23:36:00.000-05:00

Oh I want comments on my previous post.

7, Seven tonight is a number appropriate becasue I've had seven cups of Coffee in under two hours. I feel . . .interesting. A little sick and a little good at the same time. I feel slightly more sexy and a littler more open. Interesting!!!!!!!

Hands like ice

2006-01-12T22:44:00.000-05:00

She’s so cold,

Her hands are cold
Her heart is cold
Her thoughts are warm and exclusive
But full of hurt

Her hands are cold
Her eyes are warmth
The voice as clear as ice
Her work like diamonds
Her heart like stone

Her face is warm
Her eyes sing shut
Her mind is closed
Cold, hard and solitary

Her hands are cold and she freezes my heart with her eyes and her voice, truth and hurt. An unyielding glacial wall of solitude riddled by sparks of hope and care.

Mic

2006-01-11T19:44:00.000-05:00

Oh Microphone, how I speak to thee and how you listen. You never ask questions and you never talk back unless i want to hear what I said. Oh Microphone

Oi

2006-01-11T17:47:00.000-05:00

Well I'm here and no one else is and I won't be here for much longer. I'll have to leave and be gone for a set amount of time till I'll be back in action once again fighting crime for ther good af all mankind. It's a good idea is it not? Come to my house . . .

Egg tipping day

2006-01-10T23:26:00.000-05:00

oh

2006-01-05T17:00:00.000-05:00

oh . . .
The white cat past,
and the black cat sighed,
and the white cat said "oh blimey,"
and the black cat said " It's your own old fault you shouldn't stand behind me."

I can't

2006-01-02T03:34:00.000-05:00

I cannot sleep
I cannot dream
When I cannot dream I cannot write
When I cannot write I cannot draw
It's not worth my breath to speak, there is no one to listen
No one can hear
And no one can see that I cannot sleep.

My mind is troubled beyond all good measure tonight. I came home from a wedding exhausted and am more awake not then I was at noon. Noon was 15 hours ago. With a terrible movie in the background I'll type what I can. I have little inspiration and great doubt in my mind. The day's events went all well until I got home and it all goes down hill from there. But, yes there is a but, I don't know how far downhill I've rolled. I am left unsure and in unrest and so I can't sleep.

Such is life . . .

2005-12-30T01:13:00.000-05:00

What's this feeling? It sort of burns it's kindof like ice and you feel nervous but comfortable with it? Needless to say I had a great time tonight and I think I'll marry the dear girl. You know I've had a good night when I fill six pages of my journal with poetry and draw little hearts and smiles in my notebooks. The title of this little composition relates to a nice tango song I heard in a movie. It's nice and Italian and it suits my mood. By the by I need to go fill my book with pictures and such.

Vodka

2005-12-24T00:01:00.000-05:00

"Food is a luxury be have, Vodka is a luxury we have, Time is not!"

Got a cold and have no medicine. Vodka helps. Try it sometime

All gone

2005-12-23T18:56:00.000-05:00

I'm very disapointed. My stuff is gone. Lots of good and bad writing gone.

Oh wow

2005-12-20T19:09:00.000-05:00

I'm really angry, like really angry. I dont know why either. It's just like I want to yell at something till it cries and then go some more. Oh dear.

Fifth Edition

2005-12-16T09:15:00.000-05:00

Cancels class. I'm hanging out in the library, eagerly awaiting the rest of the day. It's a sad combination of film and the like. Canceled first, Movie second, possibly canceled third, movie fourth. This is not the typical unfolding of the typical Friday but as it is I have no desire to Change it. I feel tired. Burnt out and sick of Mr. Kulla's voice. He's my law teacher and the terms and corrections of the speech he is using is starting to ware on me. Not his fault but it happens all the same. Gym is a sad story also; try as she might my dear gym teacher cannot hold the classes attention. She's a good teacher but she's a huge stickler for safety and that ruins a little of the fun. Example: we weren't allowed to do archery because of point tips. History is my favorite subject but it all seems to be going down hill as the year comes to a close. Mrs. Muir is trying her darndest to get back on schedule before the christen holidays and the effect is a lot of boring textbook questions. Mind you there were some questions about Jesus in the previous days work. That brightened my day a little
The textbook makes Jesus look like a regular guy. It's more than a little depressing. It makes his life seem very bland and watered own. It's still a public school system and I guess they can't go into great detail about it without seeming bias and having a bunch of other sects fighting for their constitutional rights to religion. If I wasn't a Christian I might get ticked too if they taught his message against my will. I suppose it's good the way it is and it's not worth changing.
All the same I appear to have been able to waist a little time before my next round of nothing.

-Andy

Comment?

2005-12-13T22:24:00.000-05:00

A lone voice. Do sane poepel talk to themselves?

School Day, School day

2005-12-13T09:36:00.000-05:00

Teehee, sitting in my gym class typeing awayat an assignment and other wise doing nothing in particular. Reading over my notes on a subject of suicide and realizing that it is definatly a proble in today's society. Suicide is up, alot! Gorls wil tyr to commit suiice almat 4 times as much as guys but guys seem to sucseed more and more often. It's kinda sad really that one teenn in america will die ever 17 minuts due to suicide. It's the third leading cause of death in youth these days. A problem indeed. "This is gay, gay, gay, gay, gay," sais Nate in the chair beside me. "Gaaayyyyyy," Sais Ferris in the next. Al the same I got it done last night in my midnight homework stint after a very unsucsessful hockey game. This typing is getting me bored and so I wil know bid thee adue untill a time I see fit.

Tata

Hockey

2005-12-10T21:38:00.000-05:00

Oh what a day, oh glorious day. You know you've played a good game when your body is screaming at you to stop what you're doing and take a little break. We went down to Warkworth today to go kick some house league ass. Our first game at the very beggining of the day was to wake me in the crack of dark in the wee hour of 5:30. A truly ugly hour to be up and about. All the same we had the first game of the day and won it with a 2-1 score against a decent team. It was our first win of the year and so naturally we came off the ice thinking we could take the Canadian all start and turn them into mince meat. Not true. In our next game at 1:00 pm we were thuroughly trounced by a better team. It was Duro, the tema full of idiots who have hearts of gold. After our little let down I went to go tkae a little nap. 3 hours later I was awoken by my dear father to tll me I have to get dressed into twice wet equipment. Pretty grosse but it had to be done. We played hard through the third and final game and with victory comes medals and picture. Others to bring to my collection of over 40 medals 16 torphies and 6 plaques. I know, I know, I'll stop now. All the same we played three games very well and the only reason I stand beforeyou is thanks to my knee brace.Good day

Babminton

2005-12-06T17:38:00.000-05:00

Today I went and participated in one of the least mascilin sports I could find. Yes, it was badminton. I found this badminston to be a very fruitful endevor and starngly enough I won the tournament. I begin now to question my masculinity.

Silencio

2005-11-29T18:52:00.000-05:00

No one can see me coming
If I'm there you'll notice.
If you speak to me You'll never hear what I can't say.
I don't come when you call but I'll stand beside you without you knowing.
What am I

Vegan Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-14T17:50:00.000-05:00

Fun day Sunday. Alright, the day is Sunday and I think I'll spend a day with my dear sis Meags. I spend a few hours chillin at The Third Space with the people. Listening to a grasping speech/ interactive lecture on rhythms. the thinggummer basicly told us to go out and talk to people about just anything and make it fun. It was a good time and I had the best penutbutter cookie ever!. It had chacolate swirlies and nuts and yummy stuff and it was just grand.
Anyways, it was later that day, about the time when people eat; we had like 15 people over. We had two Dans who were one Dan. We had a hot metal head and a funky vegan who thinks I'm old. We had an Emo kid in denial. Then we had me. I was a tad younger than most of the chaps and chapessess there but they didn't seem to know, or care. I hate it when I hang about older people and they're all surprised when they find out I'm six years younger then they are. It's sad when they ask me what year I'm in and they wonder why I cringe before I answer. Little me.
The night before that I went over to a friends house for her birthday par-tay. I got literally raped in twister but the rusult of baring sexual assaultation was being the victor of the greatest boy/girl game of all time. ( alright all the civil ones) and ( fetish night does not count as civil!). By the by we watched a disney mopvie while cramming a bunch of people onto one couch. Good times Good times.

Ugg it's time for homework and my fingers are tierd. Nighty nighty -Andy

OK coach; change of play!

2005-11-02T20:04:00.000-05:00

I'm changing the URL of my site in a few days. Gimmie a shout if you wanna know the new one.

ATF

2005-10-31T19:27:00.000-05:00

Followers of God, we are warriors!

Had a great time at ATF where I ran interfeerence for my best friend and mocked about doing silly things like flips and the like.

Tad of the background stuff . . . ATF if a youth event were 13000 christians get together and have a good time with bands and worship and have a spiritual vacation, so to speak. It's always a good time.

I only found one problem with the event as a whole and that was awesome. It was an American organization catering to an all Canadian audience. It makes for an emphasis on the work of the devil in the arab countries and I think it more to be the misguided thought of man than the will of the devil.

Other than that little detail I had a really good time. I saw a bunch of poeple from Wesley Acres. I became a christian there and it was a real good time too.

I had a hotel and three solid days of fast food what more could a boy ask for?

Good times- Andy

The Moral of the Story

2005-10-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

Seven quarters . . . I think there is something wrong here. Today after football, for conditioning, we did seven quarters. we usually do four of these to represent one for each section of the game. Todya we did seven of these. It's not like these are each a walk in the park either. For these drills we do suicides, pushups, sittups, weaves and various other exorcises. These consume a great amount of energy. Now the questions begs, why did we have to do seven of these dreadful things? Three of out lads missed pracitce today and in the past game we won but werent up to the caliber of our coaches esteem and rightfully so. In the last game we had three touchdowns called back on up and we won by thye skin of our teeth.

The moral of the story is don't miss practice and for the sake of all of us please don't get called for blocking from behind. My knees kill.

Andy

Feel good

2005-09-24T22:20:00.000-04:00

Windmill Windmill father fly I'm forever happy now . . .

I'm so pissed right now I had Matt's knife in my sky-rocket so Aaron wouldn't forget to give it him when he came back to get it today. Forget about it while playing catch and watching forgot club so when my mum came to give me a ride home cause I had no key it was still in my fuckin' pocket. Trust me to not remember it till my jeans are in the wash and it's in my mother's hand which in turn means my dad has it and he thinks I'm gunna run someone through with a pocket knife. What a tool, he goes halfway to interrogate me in my room and asks the same questions over and over again meanwhile I'm getting ticked off and he tells me not to give him attitude. How the hell am I supposed to react. My father doesn't trust me with 3 inches of folded steel and he keeps on asking me the same questions hoping I'll change my story to his satisfaction. My story wasn't all truth. I didn't tell him I was holding it till Matt got there and even if I had've told him he would've thought it Bull anyways so what was the point. So Aaron is gunna get in shit for my bad memory Mat doesn't have his knife back and my dad thinks I'm a fucking liar. I know how to make C4 in my kitchen and he's worried about a knife. He should keep a closer eye on the damn spice cupboard if he wants to keep other someone safe from me. He took my lockback too and I can't find it. Point and case is he doesn't trust me and I'm ticked all to shit

Have a nice night.

Rip out your eyes

2005-09-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

Pardon me while I gag myself. I feel like I'm missing something that everyone else has or is presently losing . . . I wonder what it could be. I'll have some bacon with my French exchange student. She's so pretty. I'll marry her one day. Only one problem: she lives in France. Bloody country on the other side of the flippin' world. Long distance relationships never work out for me and it doesn't get much farther than that. Phone bill will be sky high but the upside is I better pick up French in like 3 days or this won't work out for me. French is ok I could live with another language. Actually, come to think of it, I could live with a person that speaks another language. I'm so scatterminded. Is it even a word? Anyways I'm missing my little sleep in between school and all it's things that are tacked onto it. Silly thing it is.

Help is close to home.

2005-09-06T21:00:00.000-04:00

Shicah, swing on a tree and fall and break your neck. Wonderful first days full of shit and corruption and advertisement and all the things you almost get away from if you live alone.

First day of school is all over and the days of me remembering of how much I dislike all of it have just begun. I started the day on my right foot and gradually moved on to my left and soforth and so on. I called it walking. . .

so, I started walking out my door into the wide world when I ran into a bloody school and the the mind sapping people in it. Bunch of horney jerks really. I'm almost as bad but some are out of the ball park. Terrible people. Who needs em?

lates

Seems like a nice place to be

2005-08-29T01:02:00.000-04:00

Today home feels like a nice place to be. I'm tired hot, and drained and redundant.
You know me, 10 pounds of shit crammed into a 5 pound bag. Just the way I feel today. I left behind the working world and I wish I could stay. Money in a pocket has a tendency to feel really good. I also liked to be around somebody actually doing something for like 8 hours a day being around people all the time. Makes one feel good knowing hat you're making others happy. Alas, now it's over. Feel the the end of a school year. Except with a 10 month vacation before you get to see your friends again. Makes one feel very small and lonely. I left behind me home at work and the people I lived with for 2 months. I'll not see them all again in a long time if ever. Most of them are crawling back to their respective universities. I got a couple numbers and few addresses. People never really call and say,"wanna hang out for a night." I might start something then. Got one number that's kindof important. I have no idea what I'd say if I ever did giver her a call; "So . . . How 'bout them local sports teams." (bores will kill me for improper use of a semicolon).
I'm lost for what to feel or say. Alot's been going through the old brain box lately; Some good some bad. I don't really know what to do about this whole back to school thing. I'm going shopping with a bunch of people I haven't seen in 2 months tomorrow. I'll need to save my wit and best humor for the day. Shopping takes all ones energy. I've stopped growing. I haven't needed new shoes in some time now. I didn't quite make it taller than dad but he's 6'3". I'll try not to scoff at a second medal in the growing race.
Talking to Mr. Ruban right now. He's bringing up memories of Queens.

I'm out for the night. Later skaters!- Andy

Men in glass houses sink ships...

2005-08-16T00:20:00.000-04:00

Less than a year and I miss her more than anyone. She passed through ptbo and I didn't know it till she was gone. I felt like my heart turned to iron and dropped out of me. I miss her more and more. I can hardly wait till next year when I get to see her again. I met her outside of a dance when I offered her my coat to ward of the chill of fall. It smelled like her for days and her smell was so sweet. After that I saw her the next day and haven't seen her since. I want to go back and talk about all the things we've done since. She was passing through ptbo and I missed her.

I miss her so. . .

2005-08-06T20:30:00.000-04:00

And all the day we hunted and nothing we could find,
but a book containing the word of god,
and I dare not leave it behind.

One year. Happy anniversary to me. I still remember when I was a Wesley Acres and I was in chapel and I was thinking about how sick I felt and how much being there wasn't my cup of tea. I still remember the night, clear as crystal, when I yelled at a crowd of people. Best night of my life as of yet and not soon to change.
I think it was called an altar call; when people come up and share what they've done, felt or learned in the time they've been in the presence of God. I must've been one of the last ones t to go up and speak my piece and I didn't feel so good about it at the time. I decided to go up and give a shot and see what I had to say. What I said came strangely natural and I didn't have the normal stage fright that usually overcomes me when I get up in front of an audience. I thanked everyone for being there and shoving me through everything. I dunno why I said it but felt like the right thing to say at the time. I meant to say god rocks but I ended up yelling it at the top of my lungs. I put down the microphone when I said it for sake of not blowing the speakers. It felt so right.
It still feels right and I still feel like I could go and feel it all again. I feel some if it tonight. There's no crowd and no one to hear me scream but I still feel like I'm there. I've never felt better.
I'm still here and still Christian and still working my way through the pages of wisdom rules and guidance but I don't feel alone doing it. I know God's here with me and he's lookin' at me and he's saying, "hey, he didn't turn out so bad did he?" I still could scream but I'll just say it, "God rocks guys."

-Have faith and chill

None of your twittering larks

2005-08-03T23:00:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've posted. I feel so out of place being here. I've had the most bitter sweet week of all time. Not many stories I've heard can compair. A long week and an even longer weekend.
I got stood up by an old friend of mine. I'd really like to believe her story but it does seem a little thin in lots of parts. Oh well the night went just the same only with a little change of cast. I went with a couple of friends but it's not the same as going with one of the long lost loves of your life that you havent seen in a couple of years. Not the same in the least. Tonight I played ultimate frizbee after a decently long bike ride. I was well done after that. The subway sandwich helped out alot. I was very hungry.
Oh well, cause of the whhole Emma thing I feel like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag. I'll see what I can find to do tomorrow.

-Andy

FUCK, ASS

2005-07-21T22:05:00.000-04:00

Oh, and boondock saints is an excelent movie.

Work is as good as gold and better. I'm missing the staff party as we speak. I'm invited to all of them but th ecrowd is 5 years older than I am so I'm not sure how that would go over. I wish I could just like be there then leave but no. I have no way to get there but i have a definate way to get back. What a day.

And then there was light, and after light came maintainence. Today i vonenteered in maintainence. Twas a very nice 5 hours before i actually start my real shift. So i begin to learn the art of scraping paint and then painting it back on. Fun for the whole family. Call me up and I'll tell you all about it . . .

that'll be 25.50 please

2005-07-17T19:42:00.000-04:00

Policy is the devil and having to follow it is even the worse. Following the devil. Everyone is angry at me for laying down the law and doing my job. The thing is it shouldn't be me they're angry at it should be the book I've read on policy or the person who wrote the book. Or better yet the person who installed the moral values in the person that wrote the book or the person who was told to write the book. The deal is that all the people are angry at me for telling the m the story of this book. It's really not my fault. The only thing that keeps me together in this job is the people I work with. That including my boss and all my co-workers. Love 'em all.

ello

2005-07-12T14:18:00.000-04:00

off

2005-07-04T12:27:00.000-04:00

I'm off tomorrow gimmie a call please

On the road again

2005-07-03T09:02:00.000-04:00

I'm at work all my day now so the only time i get to come and chat would be at about 9 in the morning. So I haven't vanished off he face of the planet. Uou might see me at some random party for about 20 mins befor I need to go home and get ready for the next day's work. I think it's worth it.

-layer Skaters

And now for somthing....

2005-06-29T14:53:00.000-04:00

OK here's how this works. Anyone who comes across this is obligated to wite thier nbame and ten things about themselves in the comment box. Chow yall

On the rock

2005-06-28T18:43:00.000-04:00

Well the rock is an Air Conditioned hut in Emily Park, Ontario. I work at the gate and it's so good. So far anyway. I like my job and I make roughly 50$ a day and it feels really good. To have money at my disposal feels really good. Almost as good as tanning outside did. I work with some really cool people. Like 5 girls and 1 guy. Go figure. There's like 6 guys on staff at the park ( Not counting the wardens. There's only 2 girl ones of those but they're still really cool) Some of my co-workers are really cool, I haven't met all of them yet, but they can be a little blonde at times. I can be a little on the clue less side when the mood hits me so I'm not offended. It was a really good day. My mind is in a lot of places so I apologize for how scattered this post must seem.

-Later skaters

Go for a ride.

2005-06-26T15:25:00.000-04:00

"It's all a mistake how long will it take when the dreams are all gone?"

I went for a little ride this afternoon. Not like the other rides I take all the time. This one was shorter and it wasn't just to see how far I could get away from home in an hour. So I took my bike, my main mode of transport, out for a little go. There are a few hills around my place. Nothing that can't be handled by my tiny gears. Anywho this ride is all downhill on the way there and all uphill on the way back. And not one of those little, steep hill you can just power your way up on. No, it's one of those hill that has a slope of about 1/17 and is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long. So, on the way back I decided to take this hill slow. Bare in mind that the day is 35* plus humidex. So I'm going, and going, and going. I get to the steepest part of this idiot hill and I'm just like, "oh!" I got to the top ( still had a slope though) to face another large hill. By this time I'm getting the hang of this hill thing. I'm glistening with sweat and my shades are sliding down my nose along with the droplets. I didn't think to bring water; a mistake.

I'm home and almost dead. I lookin the mirror to see a waterfall of sweat on my face and arms. The rest of me is dry as a bone but my face looks like it just got a bucket of water thrown at it. I immediately came downstairs to cool off and tell you all about it.

One way

2005-06-26T13:42:00.000-04:00

Some day when my lfe has passed me i'll aly around and i'll wonder why you were always there for me.

Some say better things will come out way no matter what they try to say you were always there for me.

Blah blah I just got yelled at and I lost my train of thought. Idots love to inturupt me with somthing that could wait for at least 5 minuts till I'm done.

I

2005-06-26T12:37:00.000-04:00

I am not the artist but I am his work of art.
I am not the best but I like the way I am.
I am not the best speller but poelpe gte teh mesasge.
I am not the critic but I can still make somone feel bad.
I am not supposed to write in different colors but I do anyway.
I'm not supposed to be writing this but I am anyway.

-Later Scaters

Sweet Dreams

2005-06-25T21:24:00.000-04:00

off and out now. I'll catch the wind tomrrow if I feel the need

I like pleasure spiked with pain

2005-06-24T14:50:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah. Perfect summer day. This morning I woke up. . . at 9:30 and it felt really good. After waking up I went out and cut grass on the request of my dad. I took a bath after that. Yes a bath. Not a crappy shower, I took a bath and had a shave which also felt really good. Now I have no more hair on the sides or front of my face and no hair on my chest either. And it feels really good. After peruseing around the house with my shirt off so I could show off my hairlessness to no one I went outside to get a tan . . . . and it felt really good. Later I'll head over to galaxy and hang out with some friends. I hope it'll be really good. This is the best day I've had in so long. I've been listening to the "Big shiny tunes" series all day and just chillin'. Today has been a really good day. I'm gunna bike into PTBO soon and visit all the people in P-town. I was sipping some awesome lemonade while tanning too. Yummy

-Later Scaters

Speeches

2005-06-22T19:43:00.000-04:00

Standing infront of the whole school the presenter started to sweat.
Drops running down his face dampening his collar and the silence he left.
He reached into his jacket and laid the cool metal in the podium.
Slide back, click. Hammer forward, click. Slide forward . . .
The silence was equal to the intensity of the blast.
Shot himself in the face infront of a few hundred people.
Pressure eased at last.

Royal With Cheese

2005-06-19T13:05:00.000-04:00

Got my new uniform for work. I look like an egg head, park attendant with short shorts and pressed pants. I wear high cut boots and shorts and I smile while saying hello. I need to know alot of crazy stuff for this job. I made $60 yeasterday and I guess that helps my fairly tight budget.

New Template

2005-06-17T22:00:00.000-04:00

I just thought I should post for the occasion for all you avid readers out there. I did well on my presentation today and the exam. I'm not so sure about the math test though. I do better than others but not as well as some in math.

Upload this!

2005-06-16T19:28:00.000-04:00

Fwahahah. I feel the need to laugh. Today was the most useless day I have ever seem. The only purpose of today was to prepare me for tomorrow. Exam tomorrow and a twenty minute presentation for my beloved English class. I'm ready for the presentation and I know it'll all work out in the end. I have faith in that. I just hope somehow it would be revealed a little earlier then when I present it. If we're seriously short on time We'll start acting out hateful moments in play or make obscure and hazy connections between lines. Hate and love state our subject. Oh how I love to hate all subjects. How I'd hate to love them. How we're forced to love them. Enough of this.

Tell me you wanna be different? You Just changed to a different Similarity.

2005-06-13T00:51:00.000-04:00

Ha, and you thought you were special didn't you?
None of us are except in the eyes of one of two.

Not the point of the post though. I could carry on but I feel not the need for it. Fine by you? Good.

Thought of something today; doesn't happen very often.
Capture in your mind a black man with salt and pepper hair smoking a cigar in the corner of a vary y high class hotel. What does he know? What is he thinking? It's grand to profess to think about what others think about. It may seem vain if the person you're thinking about thinking about it thinking of you. Ha! Figure that out simpleton. Anyway, laying on by bed in the blistering heat of the day thinking about some strange man indulging his habit. Why? I'll tell you why. One thinks of the things he wishes he could do or be. I thought of a truly deep thinker that let the cigar burn down not even thinking of savoring the aroma of it. Just drifting in his clouds of thought and smoke. Think about the thinkers once in a while; you won't know what you turn up

Andy

In mind

2005-06-08T22:41:00.000-04:00

Just to let you know I have you on my mind. I have more of a mind to mind my own business more often. It gets me into far to much trouble to get involved with anyone these days. These days go slowly ever dragging on to the music of my death march to only end in a long or far too short rest. Would you allow me to exorcise my fists upon your face or would you prefer me to put my mind to it instead? Which is more the danger? I feel like a dead battery giving it all it has to come up far to short in the long run and to be disregarded. Ever feel used somehow?

I feel like the dead battery all that's left is my bitter, acidic and poisonous words to calm the minds of those interested; that can't keep their noses out of it. Exorcise my boots on the back of your head or my mind on the rest of the absent world that doesn't care about all the things that should be cared about. The people we see are the people who live ion the lives of others. Let them take the keys to your mind and let them have yours. Drive your course and steer your belief. Sick of it yet? Let me continue.

Sharp as the blade that cuts or as dull as the one that leaves no mark? The problem with the dull blade: it leaves no impression and no scar. Draws no blood and draws no thought. So draw and be cut by the sharp blade that leaves you staggering for breath your blood and conscious thought pouring forth. It makes for a better story than someone who takes a blunt knife to you with their dull mind thinking they'll leave on you a mark.

I'm sick of these simpleton I see. I'm sick of the people that don't say what they think out loud. I'm sick of the people who don't try for the answer. I'm sick of all these people trying to leave their mark on me with their dull blades. Hit me with something heavier with more meaning and I'll be sure to notice. Find something original and hammer your point through another's skull. Leave your mark so they never forget! Never settle for less than you see can aspire to. I hate these people who ponder all the simple decisions that are thrown at them. Take your mind and set it to something.

Ever been sick of hearing about all the little things that everyone sees over, and over, and over?

Play you ace and win while you sharpen your knives, wit and think of something better to do with yourself.

-Andy

My Sober Second Thought

2005-06-01T21:40:00.000-04:00

Golden Brown texture like sun,
Lays me Down with my man she run,
Threw out the nine, no need to fight,
Never a frown with Golden Brown.

I was gunna make a better post for such a good title but the occasion never arose. I'll quote Snatch every so often so please don't be offended. Hit the walls till my knuckles bruised. Better to pummel something that won't feel it I guess. Never knew I could hit concrete so hard. Several cuts on them now. I'm so angry about evidencing and no way to express it and no one to tell about it. Those the message is intended for don't want to listen. Blissful in their ignorance.

There is a man in the trunk with a tea cozy on his 'ead!

2005-05-26T02:19:00.000-04:00

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. I am the great Oz and you shall read the post below. Now do as I tell you! Now! if you don't stop reading this I promise I'll stop typing. Still here? Presistant bugger aren't you? Well this is your last chance! be gone but before you leave you must comment on the post below for it is much more interesting than this. This one sortof goes on and on and on and doesnt really end it just sortof keeps going I left out the puctuation so you would pass out if you were reading this aloud ha stupid buggers! Now breathe.

The Wind has Shifted

2005-05-17T18:14:00.000-04:00

I needed to get the title down
i'll finish this later when i fine an appropriate event.

Ok, here we go I didn't find an event cause I've been far to out of it to post latly. Benn far to tierd for alot of things. Fell asleep in math and english. Niether of my techers were very impressed. Borek is beign a tyrant giving us this much to do all in one go. I'm sick of it but I have no option really. To quit is to fail and failure is not an option. Sometimes I wish it was but then I wouldn't be me then would I? I need to try some more of this sleeping thing. You can't die from not sleeping but you can get really messed up. I feel like Jodi. She doesn't sleep. Pumping out another creative writing. You can't really force a good one of those out on demand but it's not my problem I suppose. I appear to be bored with the same old same old and my ray of sunshine is gone. All I have left is god and my school work. It's more than enough to keep me occupied. Girls aent an option at the moment either and they won't be for a year of two when I have a high average and a better outlook on sleeping. Reading up on Romeo and Juliet. Far to much sex in that play. "Draw thy tool!" " My naked weapon is out. Quarrel, I will back thee." Ha no sexual inuendos in there at all. What a clean minded man this Shakspeare fellow was. There is a rumor about that all his plays were acctually written by my good friend Mr. Marloe. Scandle? Maybe. I feel not like talking furthermore so i shall leave thee to thine rest and me to mine writings of day in day out coals. Hot yet blackened.

Have faith - Andy

Crank-shaft Heart-thief

2005-05-16T21:54:00.000-04:00

It's the interesting circumstance, that moment in time, when all I see is my people crying and my friends all falling down. I live in a sad, slow, triangular maze of tears. I see a person walk down a hall and I see one walk back. Her face buried in her arms, holding back the tears that won't come. They've already gone. Passed her I see another three walking slowly enough to make me feel like I'm moving. But I'm just standing there. Waiting. I feel the full weight of her feelings in my arms and I know there is nothing I can do but hold on. The slow poeple call, she turns around, forces her tears back and walks away. I don't feel the same way she does, I never could. I'm still there, in my mind, standing and helping her let it go.

-Andy

Ink Splatter

2005-05-15T00:34:00.000-04:00

One upon a time there was an Andy.

He's going to arrive at school on monday and recieve 3 or four essays.
He is not going to like this.
Breakfast tuesday will taist as good as any. He'll miss Andrew and Alex and Amanda.
Wednesday will roll around into the due dates and the missing of the rest of the poeple he hangs around.
He'll miss the day's when he had nothing to do.

I am Andy's complete and total lack of surprise ( fightclub)

Welcome to the land of the living

2005-05-07T23:19:00.000-04:00

Ok here we go it's like 11:20 and I'm packing. I'm of to Queens tomrrow to hang out with some pople who think I have a scrap of intelect. I hope I impress. Anyone who reads this ( 3-4 people) probliobly won't hear from me for the next week and a half.

Wish me well.

Andy

Alright

2005-04-29T12:10:00.000-04:00

To explain the absence of all the MSN and all the post I've missed in the past few day's. I've been somwhat away and my internet doesnt work anymore. My comp is in the shop for 5 days or so and no one shall hear from me till then.

Stage Fright

2005-04-18T21:32:00.000-04:00

Accidentals on the way down my spills .
Articulate the words of my screenplay.
Moderato pace of slow death and walk.
Diminish my sound and fade to the bass.
Slow it down to make the ending .
Twitter away at the last long endless note.
My peice has ended, The Melody over.
I'll take my bow and leave the stage.
The next performer. Exit conductor.
High strung solo of motif dynamics and dots.
All of this makes up my fifteenrh second of pure bliss.
Enter the duet.
Unison of the same differences at different times.
Ends the minor chord.
Triplets rain apon the audience,
Eyes lift,
Curten shuts,
The music is over.

Written

2005-04-14T23:36:00.000-04:00

Written on a page how I feel: Falling rain in minor. Sad indeed my strange melody. Noteworthy indeed.

Spoken lies the setting sun.

2005-04-13T17:15:00.000-04:00

"A baby cries, a firing gun"

My teachers are idiots, but at least they're educated.
My partets boss me around, but they know best.
My friends sing, but I'm off key.

All that, is worth what everything else isn't

- Have Faith

Finally

2005-04-10T00:57:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to post for day's and the bloody basterd wouldn't let me!

All the same to what one is
where one is who one is.
All the differnce to the absence of one.
where one was who one was.
All the better we aren't there.
where were we who were we?
All the worse I'm still here
where am I who am I?
Might as well make a difference while I can.
it doesn't matter when or where as long a I make a difference . . .

I started that one without any inspiration or anything.

Have faith- Accultus

You, a Parisite

2005-04-03T00:25:00.000-05:00

I, can't disguize: all the stomach pains and the walking in the rain. When you, you, walk out. And you amble up to me with your voice of hericy. And I can't control, all the anger up in me oh won't you set me free; in you: a parisite. Just to find another host; just another thing to boast.

Listening to Needles and guessing at the lyrics. I'm also being a little creative with them.

All you downloaders have to download Needles by System of a Down. I like it and so should you. it reminds me of somone.

After my other post my life took a drastic turn and now I'm all fiery and I want to destroy somthing beautiful. I wieght boxed with 10's for a half hour and I still can't feel my arms and I feel no better than before; only now I feel the need for some red. I appologize for my violent mood. I'm under some pressure.

pop

Sex and Candy

2005-04-02T21:26:00.000-05:00

Yeah hmmmm. Who's that loungin' in my chair hmm. Who's that castin' deveous stares in my direction? This surly is a deam. Ya, this must be my dream . . .

Oh, yeah and all that. Such a good song that I never hear anymore. Always wanted to kiss somone while it was playing in the background. Funny how it works isn't it? Y'all say, "ANDY, post more often!" and I say, "PEOPLE, comment more often!"

I'm bored I need a nightlight

A-E-I-E-A-E-I-A

Fave Faith-Andy

Not mine

2005-03-27T18:38:00.000-05:00

Travel beyond this place
See the vast kingdom of the space
See what you have not seen
Go where you have not been
Now experience the one world.
That world is not out there
It is in your heart, right here.

I like this one Though it's not mine -Andy

It's the rules

2005-03-26T13:03:00.000-05:00

Litening to: Wait and Bleed

Ha. I'm also listening to Saw in the backgound but you don't know that do you?

I've always wondered what the world would be like if there was no law andno order. I wonder how long we would all last or how long it would take to go back to a more orderly way. I guess it doesn't really matter.

This is a sick movie I am watching. Funny though that this sick freak teaches life lessons through death. Fitting but ironic at the same time. And disturbing al the way through. I hope my sis' brings fight club; It's one of my favourite movies. Excellent plot twist. Andrea and I are planning to watch it along with some other moves some night.

Watching saw again. The reverse bear trap is terribly grousome.

Goodday- Andy

H'ok so

2005-03-20T19:36:00.000-05:00

Alright, here's the deal: I've written alot of posts. I'd like all the people who read my junk to tell me what one they thought was the best . . .

Ready . . . . GO

Thought of today

2005-03-16T11:15:00.000-05:00

Courticy of my friend Aaron

"All my life i've tried to be somone. . .
. . .I guess I should've been more specific."

A long, long time ago . . .

2005-03-11T17:37:00.000-05:00

I can still remember how the music used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance that I could make those poeple dance and maybee they'd be happy for a while.

I gotta know he time. I Hi Jack'd a comp from york to write this short little blurb. I don't really know what to make of all this.

-Andy

Manual Lavender: Junk

2005-03-11T01:18:00.000-05:00

listening to: Jazz of some sort

I have half a thought to update my blog more often. I used to do this all the time. I seem to have run low on ideas.

T'was the night before Chirstmas and all through York poeple were getting drunk and talking to homosexuals.

I'm at york university at the moment with my sis. S'all good. I'm starting ot get really tierd and all that; jazz music isn't helping. I like the mello-ness of it all. It just puts me the mood for writing on, and on, and on. I met some intereting poeple today. I wasn't allowed to drink so I pumped myself up on Arush and music.

1:30 am and all is quiet. My sis is sleeping in the bed next to me breathing peacfuly while I listen to Ella belt away with a sax soloist in unison and counter unison to her. The piano is also very nice. Everything quiet all around me. Like all that is, is just quiet. I can't even hear the trafic outside. It's quiet enough to wonder if there is any atall.
Met a girl with nice hair. Met a guy who likes jazz. Met a guy who works for a watch company. Met a guy who has a legitimate reason. Met a girl who knows alot about somthing. Met another girl who was very pretty. Met a guy who doesn't really know what to make of all of it.
This place is a little different fomr all the other places I've been to.
One: there aren't so many dumb poeple around
Two: the people here seem to get along rather well with each other.
Three: If they all don't agree they settle thier disputes with a resonable argument and not a physical confrontation. The one with the better idea will win that one. Or the person who has nothing to lose.

"Never contend with a person who has nothing to lose because no matter what they will win."

"The difference between a dream and a goal is action."

"Dreamers will be clothed in rags."

Thinking about today, and yesterday, and all the days that just go away. One will never have the moment back and will usually not get a second chance to do somthing. So try to make the most of your time.

As for the title, the title is a few random words that could be taken out of my experience today. T'was a fun day. I might write a poem later.
Manual- to do yourself with your hands
Lavender- A gay guy gave me some fashion tips and it was extremly eduacational. I have little to no fashion sence. He told me I would look good in a purple and dark blue jeans.
Junk- junk is what is written here. There isn't really a message to all this like there usually is. It's just some rambling I've done in my spare time. I've had too much beverage to be sleepy but I am anyway.

I miss Jodi and the tennisee-ers.

I miss alex too. She's cool.

I'm still day dreaming about the girl far away.

I'm to tierd to continue on like this forever and ever so I will bid the adue and hope it satisfies your thirst for some of my writing.

-Have faith: Accultus

The future is now

2005-02-24T19:06:00.000-05:00

Deciding where I'm going to be in 10 years and looking into the future and how I'll live my life.

I'm still way to young for this.

Absent, leave a message

2005-02-13T19:03:00.000-05:00

All work no play makes Andy a dull boy. All work no play makes Andy a dull boy. All work no play makes Andy a dull boy. All work no play makes Andy a dull boy. All work no play make Andy a sadd boy. All work no play makes Andy a dull boy. All work no play makes Andy a dull boy. All work no play makes Andy a dull boy.

Hello Me, meet the real Me.

2005-02-12T12:34:00.000-05:00

I look to the mirror all I see,

Is me.

The real me,

Not who you see.

I see what is,

I see what was,

I see what will be.

All I see is my terrible me.

My terrible me is all that I see.

The wall behind,

My self infront.

What a wretched little me I am.

Accultus

The Girl at the Rock Show

2005-02-08T16:12:00.000-05:00

No, I didn't fall in love with the girl at the rock show but if I got to know her better I'm sure I would've.

I was at a christian youth event called ATF or Aquire The Fire. My group was sitting at floor level and were in about the best seats in the house. At one of the altar calls a girl behind me started to cry. We were all standing up at the time and since I wasn't involved in walking up to the front of the building idecided to turn around. So I saw a girl crying at a guess she was about 14-15 maybe 16 but that's pushing it. Anyways as I turned around and stood there for about a second or two she gave me a hug and cried on my shoulder for about a minut. When she let go of me she smiled and so did I, though I dont know why. I had to leave shortly after that and I never saw her again.
At the end of the day, so to speak, she changed my life. She gave me a new view on christians because I wasn't one at the time and didn't plan on becoming one. She put a new perspective on those "bible thumping dusty boring church-goers."
I look back and smile to myslef, god has the most interesting way of puting poeple in your way just to mess you up a little for the better.
She has probliobly forgotten me but i will bever forget her. It's funny what a hug and a tear can do.

-Have Faith

Will you?

2005-02-08T16:01:00.000-05:00

I've always wondered if what I do will be remembered and what I will be remembered by. Like what kind of actions are people remembered by?

People in general remember all the bad things you've done and very little of the good. The bad sticks out in thier mind and they never reallyl forget.

But lets say I had a title when I'm gone, what would poeple call me? Would they call me a nice guy, an idiot or helpful and kind.

I guess I'll never really know. I just hope someone wil remember my name and not forget me as soon as I'm out of sight. We'll see

-Accultus

I did somthing Today

2005-01-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

Today I did somthing.
I swallowed my pride and said I was sorry.
I admitted I was wrong.
I feel so much better and a little worse.
I gave up today.
I admitted defeat to a more just cause.

I recognised a cut. . .
put a bandaid on it. . .
And I will let time do it's work
It doesnt hurt so much anymore
but I'm afraid I'll have a scar.
It will never go away but in time will fade.

I feel much better and my cuts are healing well.

- Have Faith

I Dunno

2005-01-20T21:46:00.000-05:00

I don't think anyone reads this anymore

I'll stop posting for a while see if I get some feedback

ciao

Chandra's Message:

2005-01-19T18:48:00.000-05:00

Walk Straight for 15 steps and then turn right . . . think about your life.

Well today i payed attention to the message today as usual. I take pride in listening to my mentors. I turned a corner and walked 15 steps and counted them aloud 1...2...3 . . .

and I then turned right, looked up and saw a dear friend of mine. I've found purpose.

-Have faith

It's compicated. . .

2005-01-19T18:44:00.000-05:00

T'was a yes or no question

and I spent an hour finding out why

but the original question was never really answered

It wasn't that complicated

Finished the test

2005-01-17T18:05:00.000-05:00

Done in my acedemic Science class. Test was today, we had one week to cover the physics unit of motion and vector related stuff. We now have one week to finish the weather unit and then we have our exams.

I hate this class, and that's unlike me to hate somthing. It's not because of the teacher or the students its the material that gets me. An endless procession of papers and notes. He could keep me going on this stuff for so long. I'll be much older when I finish. Another thing that gets to me is that i don't realize any situation where i'll ever have to actually use what I'm learning except for on the exam and meybe to help my kid with homework later on in life. Other then that I can't see it comine in useful any time soon and I don't think it will. No dice. I figure it to be a little pointless at times. I hope it's all usful one day. I wish I had somthing better to do.

Biography

2005-01-17T16:07:00.000-05:00

I don't think anyone would read a biography of my life. Some might envy me but most wouldn't . . .or at least I hope they wouldn't.

A life full of ups and downs. . . about even but latly it's been all downs with the occasional up to make it bearable. A bad time for me but with only me to blame.

To blame somone else is human nature. I fell more human more 'down to earth' than I have in a long time. It just keeps going down. I'm sinking and being buried by the weight of my guilt. It push myself up to only have somone pile one more shovel full of emotional dirt in my face.

The harder I try to get out the worse I feel and the deeper I sink.

Karma

2005-01-16T21:20:00.000-05:00

Well I can feel it coming. . . Karma is gunna get me in a few days or weeks. I dont know how but I did somthing wrong and I'm gunna pat for it. Mind you I don't yet know what I did wrong but I'm sure somone will let me know in the loudest and most agrivating and hurtful way possible. And I probliobly deserve it.

-Accultus

Waiting for the bus

2005-01-03T08:58:00.000-05:00

I waited for the bus. . .
. . .and It missed me

So I got a ride . . .
. . .and it was mad at me

took a cab home. . .
. . . had to pay him

crashed through the intersection. . .
. . . I won't have to pay him anymore

I look up . . .
. . . and I see a bus

. . . right befor I close my eyes. . .

The Second Day

2005-01-02T20:06:00.000-05:00

Evening of the second day or the 5th year after 2000 and I got hit by an arrow.

It's not much fun really it's such a pain and everyone wants to know how I got it.

This arrow will be the death of me

-Have Faith

2004-12-31T15:01:00.000-05:00

The new me. . . with my favourite scarf. And Budda in the background

Come With Me and I'll Walk With You for Ten Paces

2004-12-13T22:30:00.000-05:00

"I'll walk with you for ten paces. . ."

"What do they represent?"

"My life"

I walk through the ten paces of my life, living as if they were nothing, as if I weren't special to someone. I would walk ten paces with you, spend my life with you. As I walk my ten paces would you walk by me? Would you care enough to stay? Would you care enough for me as to spend all ten paces with me? As some do not realize, some people take shorter steps than others. . .

Would you care?
Will you listen?

Walk with me for ten paces and then I'll know who you are.

God will walk with you as he has walked with me. . .

-Have faith

The Midnight Addict

2004-12-06T12:00:00.000-05:00

I am The Midnight Addict.

I stroll through the corridors of the empty minds of all those that I see, I am The Midnight Addict.
I work my way through your little minds and fiddle and play with all that's inside, I am The Midnight Addict.
I will pry and twist and beat and burn all that is you and I will yell out with a vengeance, "I am the Midnight Addict.
I creep under the stairwells of your empty eyes I look through them and I see me. The reflection states there is nothing inside. . . I am The Midnight Addict.
But when I'm done with your mind, your eyes, your thoughts, your vengeance, your fears and all you hold dear. . . I will still be The Midnight Addict.
I am The Midnight Addict and I see through your lonely screen of smiles and lies and all that you would have me believe.
Sometimes I wish that there would be no more use for my Midnight Addiction but I love it so and will never ever let it go, as long as I live I will Truly remain your Midnight Addict

-Have Faith

Sweet Sweet Victory

2004-11-12T23:29:00.000-05:00

H'ok, so I play for the Adam Scott football team. We just "Trampled, Hammered, Trounced, Raped," and otherwise kicked the snott out of the Central Ontario AA Finalists 44-1. Leading 30-0 at halftime. My home, Adam Scott, hasn't won Cossa since 1992. One of our coaches was on the team when they won it. Victory was sweet that day.

After the game I lay in bed thinking about the whole thing. I realized that the victory left a sour and uneasy feeling in me. Whether it was the 2 consecutive QB sacks I got, each for about 10 yards, or the undercooked ribs I ate at Ponderosa I felt uneasy that night.

I came to school that day with my gold medal hanging from my neck feeling unusually heavy. Later I took it off. It was a good game we played but I somehow don't feel like I deserve the title of one of the best linemen on the central Ontario championship team. I dunno a victor so sweet it turned sour way too soon.

Good game Bayside

-Have Faith

Wishing Is So Much Easier Than Doing

2004-10-24T20:12:00.000-04:00

I was There

2004-10-17T01:03:00.000-04:00

I Heard
I Went
I said Hello
I Drank
I Watched
. . . And Listened. . .
I Sipped
She Said I Was Cool
. . . I Thought. . .
I Sat
I Saw
I Wanted
I Didn't
I Cleaned
. . . And Listened. . .
It Slowed Down
I Almost Stopped
We Got The Call
I Got Up
. . .And I Left Them There Staring. . .

Why was I there. . .?

Becuase I Heard

- I Had Faith

2004-10-17T00:07:00.000-04:00

And I look to the door for another way out of my Nightmare.

Still Contemplating

2004-10-11T23:12:00.001-04:00

Your gut will say go,
Your head will say wait
Your heart will say no,
So let it be you that decides your fate.

God will help,
Through all you see,
God will be there,
And he'll wait for me.

So make your choice,
Take your time,
When you decide,
Let's hope your choice is wise.

For all the people that can write a Lullaby in Color

2004-10-07T22:12:00.000-04:00

Paintings and Piano. The two things I love so much but cannot do. I love to look at art being made and art that has been made. Art, I think, is timeless. Every time I see the cave man stick figure paintings I still feel small. I read some National Geo on Vincent Van Gogh. Some of the Quotes were pretty powerful. I like this one the best: "There is a god who knows what we want better than we do ourselves, and who helps us whenever we are in need." It's so true.

And as for piano music. Play a piano for me and I'll love you forever. Hitler liked piano music, at least he had good music taste. Piano and soprano vocals are a way straight to my heart. So sing me a song you're the piano man.

Have Faith.